Who's in the driving seat?
How often have you found yourself reacting to situations in way that take you so much by surprise you feel blindsided? A partner makes a comment, and immediately you feel a heat rise up inside, and, before you know it, you've said something defensive, or mean, that is out of proportion to the comment. Chances are, something close to the bone for you has been activated. Possibly something from your childhood.
Instead of your adult self responding in a thoughtful way- 'Really? Can you tell me what you mean by that?'- another part of you has flown in from the wings in your defence.
We develop ways to look after ourselves, or to make sure we survive, as infants, and these become deeply wired into our egos. They worked for us once, because we are here to tell the tale, but they may not be so helpful now. At worst, it can feel as if we are in the passenger seat of a car being driven by a drunk.
How can we get into the driving seat?
The first step is to notice what's happening, how it feels in the body. To try and understand where it comes from. Breathe. Buy yourself time.