Drama triangle- the Victim shifts.
My clients will probably become aware of the Drama Triangle (Stephen Karpman 1968) as a way of describing unhealthy interactions. There are some useful YouTube videos that illustrate this. https://youtu.be/y5fyKWaTXco
Once you learn about how it operates, and the different positions people adopt to keep the drama going, you will begin to see it in SO many situations. The roles can be obvious, or they can be quite subtle, so that you find yourself pulled into the game before you realise it.
Imagine a person who favours the victim position, who wants help, for example, with doing the washing-up. (I realise this might seem alien to those with dishwashers, but humour me here!). The drama could play out something like this:
V: God! Look at all this washing up! (Pauses, looks around. Gets no response.)
V: I suppose I'M going to have to do it all. Again! (Looks around again. Still no response.)
V: I'm really tired. It's not fair that I always do this.
OK, at this point, you, the other person, have a choice. You could see the warning signs, the trap being set, and refuse to play, by taking the Caring or Assertive role from the Winner's Triangle (origin unknown).
You: OK I can see you're tired (caring). I'm busy right now, but I'll be happy to help you in 10 minutes. You wash and I wipe? (assertive)
However, if you are in a relationship where the script follows a pattern dictated by the Drama Triangle, you may find yourself instantly triggered into one of the other roles:
You: No, look, you go and sit down, I'll do it. What I have to do can wait. (Rescuer- feels resentful!)
V: (It worked!) Well it's about time you did something to help. I don't know what could be so important that you can't help me more. (Turning to Persecutor role)
etc etc
OR:
you: Oh, for heaven's sake, it's only a bit of washing up! Why do you have to make such a meal of it? (persecutor- feels guilty for being angry)
V:
You can write your own script, I'm sure.
More on this another time...