Boundaries- continued
In my last post, I referred to the way that others might respond to you setting boundaries. Although boundaries are fundamental as part of your healing and self care, they can expose wounds in others, and even in yourself, at least in the short term.
They can feel like rejection or abandonment to those who have attachment wounds.
Your friend calls you and asks you if you want to go out for coffee one morning. You really don't want to because the idea makes you anxious. Covid means these activities carry a risk, and, even if you sat outside, you would worry. BB (Before Boundaries!) you would have agonised, scared you would upset your friend, not wanting to SEEM anxious, and would have reluctantly agreed. Then you would not have been able to relax and enjoy yourself, and would be feeling resentful all the time, and angry at yourself for being unable to refuse.
Your boundary is putting your safety as your first consideration, so you tell your friend that, although you would really like to see her, you won't meet up with her for coffee until the situation changes.
She may well feel offended and hurt, and even tell herself a negative story about your friendship, if she is vulnerable to feelings of rejection.
This is the moment when you have to hold your boundary, even though it feels very uncomfortable for you. You are not responsible for her reaction, and you cannot rescue her from her own feelings.
